


This one moment

by Frozenlove



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Confusion, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Friends With Benefits to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Quarrels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-15 03:06:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frozenlove/pseuds/Frozenlove
Summary: Dele has found out something about Eric, and now they're both struggling with what this revelation means for their friendship.





	1. Confused

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing from Dele's POV. <3

The place is crowded and the party is in full swing. They're still not over their loss against Croatia, but they're finally all together again and eager to concentrate on the next new season and forget this one moment when all of their hopes crashed into a million broken shards that cut right through their hearts, leaving them bleeding and wounded like no other loss ever did before. A new season is always also a new start and the chance to leave such painful moments behind, and seeing each other again after the weeks they've been apart is what Dele has really been looking forward to.

He wanders around to search for the one friend he's missed the most, smiling at his teammates and throwing playful and already slightly drunk insults at them on his way. He can do that, they're all just smiling back and lifting their bottles or glasses because he's Dele and they all love him, and Dele continues strolling through the house to catch a glimpse of Eric.

Eric has spent his holidays in Portugal, and he has been quiet and absent over the past weeks much more than Dele is used to. Perhaps he's still mulling over their last game in Russia, over this so very painful loss, and Dele understands that, of course he does, because he's felt the same way for longer than he actually wants to admit. But he's really missed Eric, and it is finally time to get over it and think of the next season and their beloved club again, of new chances and wins and perhaps even titles.

Dele finds Eric in a corner of the garden with his bottle as his only company, and his smile widens, now that he's eventually found his friend. Eric wears a simple t-shirt and bluejeans, and his skin is tanned golden from his time in Portugal. He looks stunning and radiates quiet self-confidence and pure maleness, and Dele takes a deep, almost unconscious breath to inhale his familiar scent, the special aftershave and eau de cologne Eric wears ever since Dele has met him for the first time.

Eric seems to be lost in his thoughts because he doesn't react to Dele's presence like he would normally do, and Dele's steps falter for a short moment before he takes another breath and steps beside him. Eric stiffens ever so slightly, but his thoughtful expression doesn't change, and he doesn't return Dele's smile, even though they haven't seen each other for quite a while.

“What are you doing here all alone, diet?” Dele asks uncertainly, leaning against the wall next to him. Eric gives him a shrug of his shoulders and a brief smile that doesn't really reach his eyes. “It's quiet here. Needed a moment to myself,” he murmurs at last without looking at Dele, his eyes directed at the bush in front of him.

Dele purses his lips and regards his friend more closely from the side. “You've just had quiet and time to yourself more than enough, diet, why would you need that now that we're all finally together again?”

Eric shrugs again and keeps looking at the bush, and Dele keeps observing him. The silence between them stretches uncomfortably, and when Dele can't stand it anymore, he blurts out the first thing that comes into his mind. “Do you know what I think that you need? You don't look like someone who's just been on holiday, meeting nice people there. You look like someone who finally needs to get laid again, you really look as if you needed a proper fuck, Eric!”

Eric slowly, very slowly turns his head to stare at him with a blank expression, and Dele snaps his mouth shut with a groan when he suddenly remembers something important again. Something that he'd so carefully pushed into the farthest corner of his mind, this one moment when he'd found out about Eric's well-kept secret by accident.

Dele had paid Eric a spontaneous visit a couple of weeks before Russia, and he'd flipped through the magazines on Eric's coffee table while Eric was busied with making tea. Eric just came back into the living room when Dele curiously reached out for the last magazine to take a closer look at it, staring at the cover dumbfounded and somewhat shocked, and the sound of breaking porcelain when the tray slipped out of Eric's hands made both of them flinch. Time stood still for a minute or so, both of them just staring at each other, and Dele could see Eric's mind racing behind his forehead as he searched for a way out of this moment, for a way to deny the truth and the obvious. Eric opened and closed his mouth without being able to say anything, his eyes pleading Dele not to ask any questions and to pretend that this hadn't just happened instead.

Eric didn't even try to tell him that it wasn't his magazine, that one of his friends had simply forgotten it on his coffee table, knowing that Dele could see the truth written all over his face. So he didn't say anything, only swallowed several times, and Dele didn't speak either, but simply smiled weakly at him in the vain hope that the moment would just pass by if he only wished for it hard enough.

Eric kept staring at him like a startled deer caught in the headlights for several more seconds before he finally blinked himself out of his paralyzed state and crouched down to collect the broken shards. Dele blinked too and put the magazine back onto the table without any other word and helped Eric wiping away the mess from the floor, offering to make coffee for both of them instead.

Eric quietly and hastily put the magazine away while Dele walked over to the kitchen, carefully avoiding to look in Eric's direction, and they never talked about this afternoon and the discovery Dele had just made. Instead they talked about Russia and their hopes and dreams when it came to the world cup, about the end of the season, the weather, dogs and where they wanted to spend their holidays, sipping from their coffee and avoiding each other's gazes carefully.

The awkwardness between them lasted for a few days before their familiarity and the excitement about the world cup helped them to get back to their usual friendship and teasing, but Dele didn't miss Eric's grateful glances that he didn't mention the magazine and what it implied, and they left him feeling uncomfortable and feeling like a coward that he just couldn't tell him that he didn't need to worry. Instead he would rather ignore Eric's glances and pretend that nothing had happened, not knowing how to tell Eric that he was still his best friend and that this revelation would never change anything between them, fearing that it would disturb them when they needed to focus on the forthcoming games and their goal to win the cup.

Their loss in the semi-final had been so unexpected and painful, and it had erased the thought of anything else for weeks, but now they can't pretend anymore, and Dele freezes in place and inwardly slaps himself for his stupid and thoughtless comment about Eric needing to get laid when he sees the expression on Eric's face.

This one moment when Dele'd found this damn magazine had changed everything between them, but Dele hadn't wanted to see the truth, telling himself that Eric's furtive looks and his unwillingness to be alone with Dele would fade if only enough time had passed.

Dele had pushed the memory of this moment aside and forbidden himself to ever think of it again, but now everything comes rushing back, and he can feel his face heat up with embarrassment.

Eric glances silently at him, and Dele glances back with burning cheeks, wishing desperately that he would finally learn when to keep his damn mouth shut.

“Do you really think so, delboy?” Eric eventually breaks the deadly silence, and Dele doesn't like the way he's using his nickname, but he still feels like frozen in place, and he can't utter a single more word. “Why would you say that to me, Del? You of all people must know that getting laid is much more difficult for me than it's for you, but perhaps I've missed something important and you want to offer yourself as a volunteer?” Mockery's dripping from Eric's voice, and it's hard and shallow at the same time, something that shouldn't be possible, at least not when Eric's talking to him. They're still best friends after all, aren't they? Eric must know how Dele has meant his words, that he hadn't really thought about his words beforehand and that he was just trying to help.

“No, of course not... Not that I'd mind that you... really not, you know that, don't you? I mean, I'm...” Dele's voice trembles, and he swallows and goes silent again when he sees the look on Eric's face.

“No, I dunno, and I don't wanna talk about it, especially not with you!” Eric pushes himself away from the wall, and his eyes warn Dele not to follow him when he turns to go back to the house. It's a miracle that none of their teammates have come looking for them so far, but they're probably all too busied with getting drunk and having a good time to notice their absence.

“Eric, I just wanted...”

Eric pauses in his next step, but he keeps his back on Dele, only cranes his neck to throw an impassive glance at him over his shoulder. “Me getting laid or not is none of your fucking business, Dele Alli. Just leave me alone, will you?” he asks, and Dele subdued nods his head and watches Eric leave the garden, the question of what's just made him say something that incredibly dense and stupid repeating itself all over in his mind until he's too dizzy to think of anything any longer.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The season begins, but this time the awkwardness between them just doesn't want to go away, and Dele's desperately searching for a way to make up with Eric. He's texted him that he's sorry right after the party, and the next day too, and he's told him that he's sorry the next time they'd seen each other. Eric simply nodded and said that it's okay, but Dele can tell that nothing is okay between them.

Eric is clearly avoiding him, not wanting to be alone with him, and for the first time in his life, Dele doesn't know what to do and how to fix the damage he's caused with his stupid words. Dele still thinks that it's no big deal that Eric likes guys better than girls, and he's pretty sure that their teammates wouldn't look differently at Eric if they knew about it either, but he has hurt his friend, and he doesn't know how to show him that he likes him the way he is.

Dele has actually never really thought about which way he's swinging, whether or not he's only into girls or perhaps into guys as well. He has never thought that much about his own feelings and preferences, and it has never bothered him enough so far that he would have tried to find out about it for sure. He knows that he likes girls, always has, but he likes hanging around with his friends just as much, and he appreciates male beauty and finds some of his teammates attractive. He has always liked touching them or wrestling with them, hugging them for a bit longer than necessary and letting their warmth and their musky scent seep through his jersey.

Dele had never given much thought to it, but he realizes now that he has always sought Eric's closeness and his touch, not only on the pitch when they were celebrating a goal, but also when they were watching a movie together, lying cuddled up next to each other on the couch. He misses being together with Eric, spending time alone with him, and he really misses the feeling of home and happy contentment he's always had in Eric's presence. He misses their unexpected visits to each other, but most of all he misses Eric's smile and the ease of their friendship, their talks and their jokes; and he misses the comfortable silence between them when they were sitting next to each other in the plane or bus on their way back home after a match.

Their friends have of course noticed that something's off, but they leave them alone except for Harry, who's asking Dele what's wrong one evening when the season is already several weeks old.

“What's up with diet and you, delboy?” Harry inquires when he comes over with some takeaway and makes himself comfortable on Dele's sofa. Dele busies himself with inspecting the food because he can't meet Harry's eyes. “Nothing. We're good,” he says, but Harry of course doesn't buy his lie.

“You hardly talk anymore. What did you do, Del?” Harry wants to know, and Dele can feel his eyes on his face in close scrutiny.

“Why has it to be me who did something?” he murmurs, taking one of the noodle boxes. “I dunno. You tell me?” Harry raises his eyebrow and pushes some crispy chicken into his mouth. He chews, watching Dele as he waits for his answer.

“I said something stupid. I didn't mean to, and I apologized, but he's still mad at me.” Dele plays with his chopsticks, and he muses briefly about telling Harry about the magazine and about Eric liking boys better than girls. He's sure that Harry would be cool with it, but he remains silent, not wanting to reveal Eric's secret like that.

“I see.” Harry takes another bite, his brows furrowed in confusion. “It must have been something really stupid if he's still mad at you, delboy. Have you tried to apologize again?”

“He's avoiding me,” Dele whines, and Harry gazes at him with a frown. “That has never kept you from talking to him, Del. You have to try harder then. Go to his place and make him listen to you. You two can't go on like that!”

Dele sighs, but he knows that Harry is right. If he only had the courage to do that and visit Eric to make him listen to him, but he's not even sure what he wants to tell him, and he really doesn't want to fuck it up again.

“He's as unhappy about your quarrel as you are, delboy,” Harry encourages him softly, and Dele manages a weak smile. “I'll talk to him, I promise you.” he says, leaning against Harry's shoulder when he puts his arm around him like good friends do. Like Eric always did when Dele needed comfort.

Dele wants to feel Eric hugging him like that again so badly that it hurts.

He knows that Harry is right, and he promises himself that he will go to Eric and even beg him for forgiveness on his knees if he has to. He can do that. He can do everything that it takes to make Eric forgive him and be his friend again, and he will, because without Eric Dele's simply lost.

Dele hates this feeling, and he can only hope that Eric's feeling lost without him too, and that he hates being lost as much as Dele hates it.

 

~ ~ ~

 

A few days later Dele is actually standing in front of Eric's house, his heart pounding in his throat. He hardly dares to breathe as he waits for Eric's footsteps to become audible on the other side of the closed door, his heartbeat drowning out any other sound.

He flinches when the door opens just when he's given up hope that Eric will let him in, and they stare at each other, Dele's eyes wide in shock and Eric's eyes narrowed in disapproval.

“What do you want, Dele?” Eric inquires, and Dele puts his foot in the slit between the door and the frame to keep it open. “Talk to you, Eric. Please listen to me.”

“There's nothing I'd want to talk about... with you,” Eric adds after a few seconds, but he can't meet Dele's pleading glance and lowers his head down at his feet.

Dele squeezes himself through the slit and pushes the door shut with his foot. “Then at least listen to me, diet!” he begs, determined not to give up until he's made up with his best friend again. He still isn't sure what to say, and the words tumble out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

“I'm sorry for hurting you, Eric, I really am. I didn't want to spy on you and make you feel bad, and I really don't care whether you like blokes or girls or both or whatever. You're my best friend and I miss you, and when I saw you standing there in the garden like that, I just...” Dele runs out of breath and he inhales shakily and continues before Eric has any chance to interrupt him and tell him to leave again. “You looked so sad and lonely, and yes, it's none of my business, but you're my friend and I care about you, and I don't wanna see you like that... I don't wanna miss you, please?”

He swallows and looks at Eric, and Eric makes a small sound in his throat and his face softens. He closes his eyes for a moment and leans their foreheads together with his hands on Dele's shoulders. “I miss you too, Del, I really do. And I'm sorry, I was just so scared that you wouldn't like me anymore, that you...” he whispers brokenly, his voice trailing off when he can't bring himself to admit out loud his deepest fears, and Dele wraps his arms around his friend and pulls him close with a huge lump in his throat, so grateful that he wants to cry.

They stay like this for a while and Dele feels himself relax and calm down more and more until their breathing is completely in sync and the tension's finally leaving Eric's back. Eric's hands are in his hair, absently carding through it in gentle strokes, and his nose is pushed against the crook where Dele's neck meets his right shoulder, Eric's warm breaths tickling at his throat.

“I will never not want to be your friend, diet. I'll never stop liking you, and surely not because you're... gay.” Dele's wondering why it has taken him so long to say the word, why it was so hard to acknowledge the truth. He pulls Eric closer to his body, and what comes out of his mouth next surprises him as much as it must surprise Eric, who's pulling back from him with a startled sound to stare at him in disbelief, Dele's words echoing in Eric's hallway and hanging heavily between them:

“And yes, I want to volunteer as your... Eric. If you want that too, I mean...”


	2. Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dele has offered Eric to become friends with benefits. Will their new arrangement work out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely feedback to the first chapter, you're amazing! :) I hope that you will like this second chapter as well! <3

Eric's expression is a strange mixture of shock, disbelief, anger and hope, emotions flickering over his face too fast for Dele to detect all of them.

The moment stretches between them, filled with silence, dread and far too many feels, and Dele feels scared, almost horrified, and relieved at the same time.

He feels scared about his own courage to volunteer as Eric's future friend with benefits, because having sex with your best friend is really not a clever idea to say the least. Even more when your best friend happens to be one of your teammate and the football world is not exactly known for taking players fancying blokes very well.

Eric is his soulmate, his bro, his teammate and the one who's saved him from the ghosts of his past, many times. Eric has saved him from his nightmares, his memories and even from himself more often than Dele can actually count, and sleeping with him will change everything in their dynamic and their friendship – much more than Dele finding out about Eric's secret already did.

Dele's horrified because Eric doesn't look happy but angry and even furious for a split second before his expression changes back to disbelief and confusion, and Dele fears that he's screwed up beyond repair with his inability to keep his mouth shut and think twice when silence is golden.

Dele actually feels relieved because he's finally admitted out loud what he's wanted for a rather long time as he now realizes. He really wants to be more for Eric than some kind of bro, even though he can't put a name to what he wants and needs at this point.

All he can do is wait and look back at Eric with a face that is a mirror of Eric's and the inner turmoil it shows, wait for Eric to either pull him back in his arms or throw him out of his house. Dele really hopes that it'll be the first, because the second option will crush and devastate him for once and all, he knows that.

Eric finally manages to get his feelings back under control at least partly, his gaze becoming sharp and focused and his features slipping back into a mask of forced calm.

“Do you even know what you've just said, Dele?” he asks flatly, and Dele nods his head quietly, clearing his throat because only a silent nod won't do this time. “Yes, I know what I've said, Eric. I mean it, I really do.”

“I don't want your pity, delboy. I'm not that desperate.” Eric's voice is impassive with an edge of anger, but the way he says Dele's nickname is soft and how Dele's used to.

“It's not pity,” Dele murmurs, and his eyes wander down to Eric's mouth.

“What is it then, Del?” Eric isn't touching him any longer, but he doesn't step back or opens the door either, and Dele takes that as a good sign.

Dele doesn't have a real good answer to that question, but he knows for sure that it isn't pity what made him say that and what he feels by the thought of becoming Eric's friend with benefits. “Not pity, diet,” he repeats, and something in his voice and his face must convince Eric, because he slowly reaches out for him again and pulls Dele closer with one hand on his shoulder. Their foreheads touch, and Dele has to strain his eyes to lock gazes with him, but he doesn't care, too grateful that Eric didn't choose the second option and told him to fuck off for good this time.

“You shouldn't say that, Del. You shouldn't even think of it!” Eric whispers with a weak chuckle, and Dele joins him and lets out a small laugh of himself. “When have I ever cared about what I should do or not do, diet?” he whispers, their lips only inches apart, and Dele's mouth is tingling all of a sudden, tingling with anticipation of finally finding out what Eric will taste like. He didn't even know that he's mused about this question for such a long time, but now he can't think of anything else anymore, with Eric's lips so close to his own and his offer still standing between them like that.

“Never,” Eric murmurs, raising his other hand to put it around Dele's cheek and stroke over his cheekbone with his thumb in gentle and rapturous surprise. “I shouldn't take you up on your offer, I really shouldn't feel so fucking tempted to actually consider it.” he chokes, and Dele breaks out into another breathless laughter, because the tension he feels is unbearable and will kill him if he doesn't find a way to release it.

“But you do, diet. My bad influence.”

“Probably.” Eric lets out a small sigh that is half a resigned snicker, and they're both tilting their heads to the opposite sides at the same time, their lips coming closer and closer until they touch like two strong magnets that are drawn to each other inevitably.

Feeling Eric's mouth on his own for the first time sends an electric shock wave right through Dele's body, a perfect moment that Dele never wants to end. They stay like this for long seconds, with Eric's hand still on his cheek and Dele's fingers digging into Eric's shoulder blades, neither of them moving or deepening their first kiss as though they both fear to break the spell if they do.

Eric's lips are warm and soft and perfect, smaller than the lips of the girls Dele has kissed, but they fit so perfectly with his own, and they taste so good, better than whatever Dele could have imagined. Kissing Eric feels like kissing for the first time ever, a moment so precious that Dele is sure that he will remember it no matter how old he will be.

It's him who's finally adding a little bit more pressure and parting his mouth ever so slightly to invite Eric inside, and Eric exhales a shaky sigh against his lips and travels down with his hand from Dele's shoulder to the small of his back to pull him close to his body. They're both the same size, but Eric's broader, heavier, and Dele eventually dares to wrap his arms around Eric's neck and melt against him, inhaling Eric's scent and taste until he feels dizzy with desire. He's hard in his boxers, and the bulge pressing against his hipbone leaves no doubts that Eric won't send him away like Dele feared that he would do.

Eric's tongue is in his mouth, and Dele's bathing in his warmth and their first real kiss, the brief thought that he could happily stay here forever in Eric's hallway and kiss him like that vanishing as soon as it crosses his mind, because Eric's an incredibly good kisser and Dele has better things to do than thinking now.

Dele can't tell who of them is the one starting off towards Eric's bedroom after a while, but it doesn't matter anyway, and they don't break their kiss on their way to the bed, because it's easier and less awkward to undress one another when they don't have to look at each other doing that for the first time.

They snicker sheepishly when the bedroom door falls shut behind them, and then Dele is lying flat on his back in Eric's bed and Eric's lying on top of him, keeping his head in place with both hands and a passionate glint in his eyes when he's pressing Dele into the mattress with his weight.

Eric kisses him again and Dele closes his eyes and thinks that this is exactly where he wants to be, even though it took him such a long time to realize.

 

~ ~ ~

 

They don't talk about it, but there's actually no need to do that as Dele didn't think for even a second that this would be only about some furtive hand or blow jobs under the covers. It was clear for Dele right from the moment he'd made this special proposal that they would go all the way, and that he'd just offered Eric to fuck him. He just nods his head and licks over his suddenly dry lips when Eric takes the needed items out of his drawer with a questioning look, and he feels less nervous than he probably should feel about the prospect of being fucked for the first time in his life.

Maybe it's because he trusts Eric more than he actually trusts himself. He knows that Eric will never hurt him, at least not on purpose, and surely not when Dele's willing to bottom for him and let him be his first man.

He didn't think about the consequences of his words when he said them, but he's not the kind of guy trying to back out of the promises he's made, and if he's going to do that, then he's going to do it properly and wholeheartedly.

“You sure, delboy?” Eric murmurs against his cheek as he's making himself comfortable beside him, and Dele grabs his head with both hands to pull him in for another deep and passionate tongue kiss. “Yes, Dier. Just go on with it.” he whispers back, urgently and so eager that it would be embarrassing if Eric wasn't so hard against his thigh himself.

It becomes obvious to Dele pretty soon that Eric has done that before, that it's not the first time for him. Dele feels jealous of the faceless and nameless guy who's got the pleasure to be fucked by Eric Dier before him, but Eric's fingers inside him feel to good to dwell in such pointless musings for much longer, and he's too busied with feeling full and stretched to think of his predecessors in Eric's bed.

They kiss until they run out of breath, and having Eric's fingers inside him is like playing a derby always feels, exciting and maddening in equal levels. Dele can't stop the noises that escape him, groans and gasps and sighs and mewls, and Eric whispering nonsense into his mouth in that husky tone that must be his bedroom voice isn't really helpful to make him keep his calm either. Eric's slight accent he still has sometimes is more perceptible when he's aroused, and Dele feels jealous again, jealous because he's Eric's best friend and his soulmate and has always thought that he would really know him almost as good as he knows himself.

Seems that he's been wrong here because he didn't know how different Eric can sound, and he also didn't know what Eric looks like when he's like this, aroused, flushed, disheveled and sweaty in a totally different way from what he's like after training or a straining match. Now he's gazing down at Dele as if he wanted to look straight into his soul to reveal Dele's last secrets like Dele revealed his well-kept secret by accident, and his lips are red and swollen from their hungry kisses.

Dele feels exposed and self-conscious, but he meets Eric's intent eyes with a sheepish smile, and Eric's expression becomes tender when he bends down to kiss him in a wordless apology while he's slowly pushing into him with his dick, clearly trying to make Dele's first time good and painless. It burns less than Dele had thought that it would, and having Eric's hard cock inside his body feels even better than having his fingers in him already did.

Eric lies between his spread legs, halfway on top of him with his weight settled on his forearms, and the way he moves and arches above Dele is the best sight he's ever got in his whole life so far. Dele wants to burn the view into his memory forever, he never wants to forget a single piece of what Eric looks like as he's fucking him with well-measured and pointed, confident motions. Lying trapped beneath Eric and letting his best friend fuck him is like a wild and drunk ride on a roller coaster with far too many loops, a ride Dele wasn't prepared for at all, and he loves it way more than he probably should and definitely more than it's good for him.

Dele's hips move a little bit clumsy and awkward at first as this is all so new to him, bucking up to meet Eric's slow and powerful thrusts with embarrassing eagerness. He can't tear his eyes away from Eric's glowing face, greedy to see how his friend is screwing his features in pleasure and drawing air through his gritted teeth in sharp gasps. He takes in the sight of how Eric's muscles move under his damp skin of his shoulders and chest, the way the sweat coating Eric's torso, his arms and his forehead, is glistening in the fading light of the day. Eric is so big and hard inside him, stretching him to his limits and Dele feels so full, so incredibly full, but he loves it, and he never wants Eric to stop again.

Eric suddenly changes the angle, and stars are exploding before Dele's eyes with the next push in. He's heard stories about it of course, but they haven't prepared him for the mind-blowing sensation shooting through him when Eric hits his prostate for the first time, and Dele cries out and arches his back from the mattress, almost shaking Eric off. “Woah! What the fucking hell...” Dele cries, his choked words ending in a long breathy whine.

Eric grins down at him, and his eyes are almost black in his red face. “Ah, delboy, that's it. Let's do that again,” he gasps in that low bedroom voice, and Dele is soon a constantly whimpering mess when Eric starts to batter his prostate over and over again until they're both panting and groaning loudly. Dele's not sure how he's supposed to stand this without going insane, and he reaches for his poor neglected cock to give it some love as well, but Eric slaps his hand away and wraps his own fingers around him with a throaty hiss, shifting his weight again to get a better hold on Dele as he runs his hand up and down on his dick.

Dele is shoved up and down and back and forth on the mattress with Eric's hard cock splitting him into and nailing his prostate again and again, and it's heaven on earth and all Dele ever wanted. Eric's so beautiful, eyes squeezed shut and lips parted with the rosy tip of his tongue between them, and Dele pulls roughly at his neck to drag him down for another rough kiss.

“Come on, delboy!” Eric demands, growing harder inside him, and something implodes in Dele's belly. He zones out for a few seconds when his cock starts to squirt, and his nails leave scratches on Eric's back because it's all too much for him to handle.

“Delboy, Del, so beautiful...” Eric groans into his mouth, and his hips stutter when he follows Dele not even a minute later, trembling above Dele before he drops down on him and buries his nose on Dele's sweaty throat.

“Fuck, Eric.” Dele moans, still gasping and shaking, and he feels oversensitive to every touch and the sensation of warm puffs of air tickling him when Eric breathes against his neck.

“Yeah, that's what I just did. You seemed to like it,” Eric chuckles, and Dele slaps him playfully with an embarrassed groan. “Wanker,” he snaps, and Eric raises his head to look down at him. When their eyes meet, something melts inside Dele again. He swallows and pulls him in for another hard kiss, because he really might say something totally stupid if he tries to speak now. Eric sighs and kisses him back, and Dele loses himself in Eric's warmth. He'll think of what they've just done and all the lines they've just crossed later, for now he's fine with lying there in Eric's arms and kissing him.

 

~ ~ ~

 

After their first time, they can't keep their hands off each other anymore.

Eric's fucking him in his bed again, and when he comes to Dele's place a couple of days later, he's fucking him senseless in Dele's bed as well. Dele rides Eric on his couch when he comes over for a FIFA session because the way upstairs to Eric's bedroom seems too long, and he muffles his groans on the leather of his huge sofa when Eric fucks him from behind after giving him a ride home after training.

Dele pulls him into a tiny broom closet for some hasty hand jobs in between their training sessions, and he's grateful for Eric's hand on his mouth to silence his moans when he spills all over Eric's fingers. He goes down on his knees for Eric when the others are gone and they're alone in the showers, and Dele knows that they're risking a lot, but he can't bring himself to care, because Eric's dick on his tongue feels too good to care about the consequences of getting caught.

They even fuck in Dele's car in a dark alley one night, the windows fogged from their raged breaths. Dele simply can't stop thinking about Eric and the way he makes him feel when they kiss and fuck, how he looks like when he comes, the memories of all of their encounters following him into his dreams almost every night.

Eric has been an important part of Dele's life right from the beginning, even when they weren't friends yet, but now he's very much the center of Dele's world, and Dele feels scared to death and incredibly happy at the same time.

They don't talk about their sex, never. Not when they're lying next to each other on their backs in the aftermath of their explosive encounters, still catching their breaths and not touching each other for the first awkward minutes until they've found back to their playful bantering, and never when they're trying to go back to being just friends for some hours and do something together that doesn't involve kisses, shed clothes and dicks.

Faking normalcy is getting harder for Dele with every day that passes though. At first he didn't want to notice the changes in their friendship, the fact that Eric's hardly touching him any longer outside the bed. They're still sitting together when they're on the road, on the bus or plane, but Eric now keeps his distance to him, and the times when they were wrestling and touching during training or in the locker room have become a long-gone memory in Dele's mind.

Their new friends with benefits thing is a few weeks old when Dele can't deny the truth anymore. They have sex almost every other day, but Dele feels more touch-starved than ever. He misses Eric's arm around his shoulder after a game or when they're sitting on the couch, he misses how Eric sometimes squeezed his knee or ruffled his hair. He misses the small gestures of affection Eric has always been so generous with, before their friendship turned into something Dele doesn't even have a real name for.

Dele can't quite tell why it's bothering him so much and why he's feeling so frustrated and down because their sex is really great, better than any other sex he's ever had. Sometimes he turns on his side after Eric has fucked him through the mattress to draw idle patterns over his chest and his stomach, and the way Eric is staring at the ceiling with a blank face or with his arm over his eyes to hide them from him is making his heart clench and his throat go tight. They don't talk, just lie there until Eric will finally squeeze his arm and pull him in for a kiss with a faint smile until the lump in Dele's throat is gone again.

It's one of these moments when Dele realizes that he's in love with Eric.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“'m sorry, Del, but I can't do that anymore.” Eric doesn't look at him when he says that, and Dele stares at him in shock, not wanting to believe what Eric's trying to tell him. They're sitting in Eric's car after training, and Eric has just stopped before Dele's house.

“What do you mean, Dier?” he says sharply, and Eric makes a helpless gesture with his hands. “This here, us. Us like in friends with benefits. I can't do that anymore. I've fallen in love, you know?” Eric mumbles with his eyes on his folded hands in his lap, and Dele's heart breaks in a second.

He's just discovered that he's in love with his best friend, the friend who's telling him now that he doesn't want to sleep with him anymore right after Dele's world has turned upside down. Dele's in love with Eric, but Eric has just told him that he's in love with someone else. Dele is crushed like never before. Even the loss against Croatia in the semi-final didn't devastate him like that, and no other loss ever did.

But Dele has learned to keep his hurt and his feelings to himself a long time ago, and he nods and shrugs his shoulders as if Eric hadn't just stabbed him right in his heart.

“Never mind. Just wanted to help, diet,” he says as nonchalantly as he's able to, still hoping that Eric will protest and tell him that it was just a bad joke. He cannot even congratulate him or wish him good luck for his new love, he'd probably throw up right here in Eric's car if he did that. Eric only looks at him in a strange way and nods as well, and Dele thinks that he would take that look for disappointment if he didn't know it better, because it's been Eric telling him that he wants to stop sleeping with him because he's fallen in love with somebody else. It can't be that Eric wants him to fight for this friends with benefits thing, and Dele's too hurt to do that anyway. He was never the one Eric wanted, he was just there when Eric felt lonely and needed a pair of warm arms.

“Right. See you tomorrow in training, Dier,” he says, climbing out of the car before he'll say something he'll surely regret, like some kind of pathetic love declaration or so. He can feel Eric's eyes on his back on his way to the front door, but he doesn't turn around to look back, keeping the faked smile on his face until he's inside and alone with his broken heart and his crashed dreams of Eric loving him back one day.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Dele feels like dying, and he doesn't want to see anyone, but he goes on with his life as if his world hadn't just ended anyway. He's good at pretending, he's learned to pretend long ago, and he's learned to lock his feelings inside and smile and to appear tough when he was a young boy.

This time Harry doesn't ask him what he's done, he's just there to keep him company and be his friend, and Dele will forever be grateful for that. It's him avoiding Eric this time, for a few weeks until he's sure that his mask won't slip by accident. It's actually easier to go back to being just friends than Dele thought, and his long time practice when it comes to pretending helps him with that.

They go further through the season, and Dele is proud of himself that no one seems to notice how terrible he feels, most of all Eric. Dele has visited Eric a couple of times, and they have lunch and sit next to each other like always. Dele still doesn't know the guy Eric has fallen in love with, he doesn't dare to ask who he is and what he's like, and Eric doesn't talk about his new lover either.

The days go by, and Dele is still in love with Eric, thinking that he will get used to the sharp ache in his chest right where his heart is if only enough time has passed, but every morning he wakes up it's still the same, the pain getting worse instead of better.

Their next game will be the game against Croatia in the Nations League, and Dele finds himself in the same hotel room with Eric the night before the match. They have to make up for the loss, and the thought of revenge keeps Dele distracted until he finally has to go to their room to call it a night.

Eric's already there, sitting on his side of the bed in his sleeping clothes and fiddling with his phone. Dele disappears into the bathroom to brush his teeth, finding Eric in the same posture when he comes out again. He sits down on the edge of his side to get ready for sleep, and Eric puts his phone on the bedside table and switches the lights off.

Dele stares unseeing at the dark ceiling, and he can tell by Eric's breathing that he isn't asleep so far either.

“So how is he?” he asks when he can't bear it any longer, chiding himself that he still doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

“What he?” Eric's face is only a white spot in the darkness of the room when he turns his head to look at him.

“Your new.... the guy you fell in love with.” Dele can't meet Eric's eyes, it hurts too much.

Eric makes a surprised sound, and Dele can hear him rustling with his blanket when he turns fully on his side to face him. “There isn't another guy, Del.”

“Don't give me that shit, Dier. You told me that you'd fallen in love! I was there when you did, in your car, remember? Is it already over with him?” Dele doesn't like the way he sounds, whining and as if it still mattered to him who Eric Dier is fucking now.

“You thought that I'd fallen in love with someone else?” Eric sounds incredulous, but also hopeful.

Dele blinks, and finally turns his head to meet Eric's gaze. “You didn't?” he croaks out. “But you said...” he's too confused to continue.

Eric sighs, and he props himself up on his elbow to reach out with his other hand and touch Dele's face. “I said that I couldn't do this friends with benefits thing with you any longer because I'd fallen in love, delboy. I never said anything about another guy, silly.”

Dele wants to scowl at him when the penny drops, but he fails miserably because his heart is beating fast in his chest and his lips stretch into a smile against his will. “But why did you let me go then?”

“Because your reaction made me think that you don't return my feelings, Del.”

Dele closes his eyes when he realizes that he's suffered just for nothing all those past weeks. Eric moves closer to gently kiss him on his lips, and Dele buries his face on his shoulder. “I really fucked it up, didn't I?”

“We both did. Should have been clearer.” Eric soothes him, drawing back from his lips to look at him and kiss him on his nose. “I'm in love with you, delboy. It was always only you.”

Dele knows that he's grinning like a maniac, but he doesn't care when he pulls Eric closer to clash their mouths together again. “It was always only you too, diet, only you.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

This time they don't just fuck. This time they make love.

They're wasting an obscenely huge amount of time with just kissing and stroking each other everywhere, lying pressed close without any clothes between them, something friends with benefits usually don't do, at least not that much and that long. Dele can't get enough of how Eric feels under his rapturous hands and his lips, and he kisses his way up and down on Eric's body at least three times, mapping each and every spot of his body until he knows him by heart.

Eric enjoys himself pretty much as he's doing his best to drive Dele wild with whispering filthy things into his ear and teasing him with his mouth on his throbbing dick until all Dele wants to do is scream. It's so sappy and ridiculously romantic how Eric keeps telling him how gorgeous and pretty he looks all flushed and ruffled and bruised from their deep and messy kisses, but Dele just can't bring himself to tell him to shut up. That's all he ever wanted, and he feels like a kid in the candy store and like he felt when he scored his first goal as a professional footballer and even better.

Del comes in Eric's warm mouth with a desperate moan shortly after, and Eric licks him clean and tells him that he loves him again. They kiss for a while after that, and Eric surprises him when he pushes the bottle into his hand and rolls onto his back invitingly.

Dele has always been fine with Eric being on top, and he looks back and forth between the bottle and Eric's face because he doesn't know what Eric wants from him.

“But you never wanted that,” he finally mumbles, and Eric pulls his head down for a kiss. “I've always wanted that, delboy. I just feared that I would tell you that I love you if I did.”

“So I could've known about your feelings for me much earlier then!” Dele chides him, but he isn't really angry, especially not when he sees Eric smiling up at him tenderly and sheepishly at the same time. “Guess so, delboy.” They kiss while Dele prepares him, and Dele is achingly hard again when Eric's whispering into his ear that he's ready and wants to feel him.

It's not his first time in general, but it's his first time being on top with another man, and it feels amazing. It's the first time that he's sleeping with someone he's hopelessly in love with, and Dele is burning. Eric is so hot and tight, and being inside him feels just so, so good. Dele can't get enough of Eric's soft moans and grunts, of how he's screwing his face when Dele brushes over his prostate with his dick. He searches his way between their bodies to make sure that Eric will come together with him, and he moves faster and harder, craving to watch Eric fall apart beneath him.

Eric comes with Dele's name on his lips, and Dele is sure that he's never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He fucks and strokes him until Eric goes limp underneath him, and he breathes Eric's name against his lips when he falls over the edge shortly after Eric and fills the rubber with his seed.

They're basking in the aftermath lying snuggled close to each other with Dele's head resting on Eric's chest and Eric's hand stroking absently through Dele's hair.

“We'll beat them tomorrow, delboy,” Eric says, and Dele cranes his head to steal a kiss from him. “Yes, we'll do. Together.”

“Always together, delboy.” Eric promises as he pulls the covers over their cooling bodies and kisses him goodnight, and Dele falls asleep in his arms with a smile on his face and a warm and happy feeling in his stomach.

 

~ ~ ~

 

They're having a perfect moment when they beat Croatia the next day, taking revenge for the painful loss a couple of months ago. It's not the same as winning the semi final would have been, but it makes up for all the heartache and grief at least a little bit, and Dele can't stop smiling when he's finally on his way home together with Eric after long hours of partying with their teammates.

Dele looks at Eric sitting next to him on the backseat of the taxi, and Eric turns his head and smiles at him, his fingers grazing Dele's in a brief tender gesture. They haven't talked about it, but they don't need to, Dele knows that they are together now, like in really together and not just friends with benefits.

Dele's in love with his best friend, but it doesn't scare him any longer, and he can see in Eric's eyes that it's the same for him.

That's all he ever wanted and all Dele will ever need.


End file.
